A Reflection on
Validation: Part 1
Over the years I have audited a variety of clinics with
well-known clinicians. Although I am an
avid student of classical dressage, I find it helpful to learn from clinicians
in other disciplines too. Hearing
different perspectives forces me to challenge my own ideas, and even if I come
away not agreeing with a clinician, I do come away with a more solid
understanding of why I hold the perspective that I do.
I recently attended a clinic with a well-known
clinician and witnessed a behavior among riders that I have seen at many
clinics. It got me thinking about why people in all disciplines ride in clinics
and the concept of validation.
I heard several riders after their ride with the clinician excitedly
making comments like “he said I did that really well, isn’t that awesome?” or “I’m so happy. It was worth coming just to
hear him say I used my seat properly!” Upon
hearing a number of these comments, I asked myself once again “Is that why we
go to clinics? To seek validation that
we are good? Aren’t we there to learn something new?
External validation is a well-known concept in psychology. Dr. Jennifer Kromberg explains it this way:
“As
humans, once our basic needs are met, much of our conscious and unconscious-behaviors are
meant to make us feel loved and valued. But this love and value can come from external or
internal sources. Internally, the source of love and value is self-esteem. And externally, this love and
value tends to take one of two forms – either the long-term reinforcement of
the self that comes from good friends, family or a committed relationship, or
the short-term benefits of narcissistic behaviors in which we seek
attention, admiration or adoration. If enough of your external validation comes
from attention, it can become an addiction – a dependence on the
affirmations of others in order to feel a sense of worth.”
So seeking validation is a very normal and
natural human behavior. And in riding, especially when we often ride alone,
external validation can help us understand when we are on the right track with
our training (or not!).
In answer to my
own question posed above, maybe we go to clinics to seek some level of
validation AND to learn something new. Key,
I believe, is not try to make ourselves feel good by repeating to others
that a famous person gave us compliment.
Rather let’s be reflective about the compliment: “what exactly was it
that he or she said I was doing well and how do I build on that foundation?”
And then we can tell people “this famous person said this about my riding and
from that I learned…” This is validation
that leads to deeper learning.
Ultimately what should be important to us all is
not that a famous person said we did a great job, but that we did a great job
and now we know how to do even better next time.
And in part two let’s consider external
validation coming from somewhere else…
Take
Home Message for Equestrian Educators
Your validation is important for your
students. Everyone likes to be told when
they have done something well, and in fact it is a key to successful learning. But only if the validation leads to deeper
understanding. When a student beams proudly because you have just complimented their
riding, ask them to think about the next step, or to tell you in their own
words what they just did that made that portion of the ride go so well. Help them make the leap from “I am so excited
my instructor just said I did a good job” to “I am so excited my instructor just said I did
a good job and now I really understand….”
